August 30, 2010

I'm bad at this.

Life gets harder and harder. And more worrisome.

But here I am anyway, in a show after saying I wasn't going to do any for awhile, in Tulsa after swearing I'd leave after graduation, living with my parents after thinking I wouldn't again. It's not bad though, just a little...blah.

I've got a restless spirit. Someone told me that once, and I think they meant it as a bad thing (in fact, I know they did, but that's beside the point). For me though, I'm just not content to settle until I know I've got a good version of myself. I want to see things and experience things. I can't imagine a worse existence than to wake up everyday and feel like a log in a stagnant pond. I just want motion and new people and fun.

But I can see how it's a bad thing too - I'm bad at committing to things...and people. I've been meaning to write more, and I can't make myself sit down and start. I know I need to save my money (in order to have those new experiences I've been craving) but I'm so excited to have expendable income for the first time in so long that I buy lots of things that I don't need.

Gah. This is the angsty-est blog ever. Shut up Karli.